What Do You Actually Want? No, Really.

Today we're getting slightly more personal.

Because you can organise your house, sort your routines and put your phone in another room...

but there's not much point making your life run beautifully if you're running towards something you don't actually want.

And I think that's surprisingly easy to do.

We collect shoulds without even noticing.

I should be further ahead, earning more, doing more, exercising more, socialising more, wanting the promotion, buying the house, being more ambitious, and feeling more settled.

Eventually, there are so many opinions floating around that it's difficult to tell which ones actually belong to you.

So today we're sorting through them.

Start with the word “should”

Open your Notes app or grab some paper and write:

“By now, I think I should…”

Then finish the sentence as many times as you can.

Don't try to give clever answers.

Write down the things that genuinely pop into your head.

Maybe:

I should have more money saved.

I should be further ahead in my career.

I should have a better routine.

I should be more confident.

I should own a house.

I should go out more.

I should know what I'm doing with my life.

Once you've got your list, go through each one and ask:

“Do I actually want this?”

Not:

Would my parents approve?

Not:

Does everyone on the internet seem to have this?

Do you want it?

Some will be a genuine yes.

But you might find a few where the answer is:

Actually... not really.

Look for the version of you that already exists

When we think about becoming more confident, it's easy to picture some upgraded future version of ourselves.

She's incredibly organised.

She always knows what to say.

She exercises regularly.

Her hair somehow looks good every day.

And presumably she has never spent 45 minutes comparing recipes before deciding to order takeaway.

But instead of inventing Future Perfect You, think about the times you've already felt most like yourself.

When have you felt confident without trying to be confident?

What were you doing?

Who were you with?

Where were you?

What came naturally?

Maybe you're brilliant when you're helping someone solve a problem.

Maybe you come alive when you're creating something.

Maybe you're happiest when you're travelling.

Maybe you love learning.

Maybe you're funny around people you trust.

Maybe you're much more ambitious than you've allowed yourself to admit.

Maybe you're actually less ambitious than you thought you were supposed to be.

None of these answers need to sound impressive. We're just looking for clues.

Make your “more me / less me” list

Draw a line down the middle of a page.

On one side write:

MORE ME

On the other:

LESS ME

Then start filling it in.

MORE ME might be:

Reading.

Being outside.

Having quiet mornings.

Seeing certain friends.

Travelling.

Making things.

Dressing a certain way.

Learning.

Being silly.

Working independently.

Trying new things.

LESS ME might be:

Saying yes when I don't want to.

Comparing myself online.

Trying to impress people.

Being constantly busy.

Doing things because everyone else is.

Staying in friendships I've outgrown.

Chasing goals I don't particularly care about.

There's no correct list.

That's rather the point.

Look at where your life doesn't match

Now compare the two sides.

Is there anything from MORE ME that has disappeared from your life?

And is there anything from LESS ME taking up far too much space?

You don't need to immediately quit your job, move countries and announce that you've found yourself.

We're keeping this 1%.

Choose one small adjustment:

Do something you used to love, say no to something you don't want to do, spend less time around what makes you feel unlike yourself, restart something you've missed, or make one decision based on what you want, not what seems sensible, impressive or expected.

Your Day 6 reset

Today isn't about discovering your One True Authentic Self.

People change.

What you want changes.

That's normal.

We're simply checking whether the life you're building still feels like yours.

So keep three things from today:

One “should” you're ready to let go of.

One thing that makes you feel more like yourself.

One small way you can bring more of that into your life.

Because maybe confidence isn't something you have to manufacture.

Maybe some of it comes from trusting your own preferences, choices and instincts enough to stop constantly checking whether you're doing life correctly.

Here's to getting 1% better, one day at a time.

H x