How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Everyone Else

Comparison has a way of appearing when you’re not even looking for it.

You’re scrolling for five minutes and suddenly someone your age has bought a house, launched a business, got engaged, run a marathon and apparently drinks green juice before 7am.

Excellent.

Even when you know social media is edited and everyone is doing life differently, it can still make you wonder whether you’re behind.

And I think that feeling gets stronger in your late 20s and 30s.

You start noticing timelines more.

Careers.

Money.

Relationships.

Where people live.

What they’ve achieved.

Whether they seem to have figured out what they’re doing.

The problem isn’t that you compare yourself occasionally. Everyone does.

The problem is when you start using someone else’s life as evidence that yours isn’t going well enough.

So if comparison has been getting a little too loud lately, these are a few ways to make it less convincing.

First, remember that you’re rarely comparing fairly

Most comparison is incredibly selective.

You see one part of someone’s life and compare it with all of yours.

You see their new house, but not their mortgage.

Their promotion, but not the years it took to get there.

Their relationship, but not what happens when nobody is watching.

Their holiday, but not the normal Tuesday afterwards.

This isn’t about assuming everyone is secretly miserable.

It’s just remembering that you never have the full picture.

And neither do they when they look at you.

Work out what you’re actually jealous of

Sometimes comparison is useful because it points at something you want.

But you have to get specific.

If you look at someone and think, I want their life, you probably don’t.

You might want one small part of it.

Maybe it’s:

• more freedom
• better work-life balance
• more money
• a calmer home
• more confidence
• more travel
• a stronger social life
• a clearer sense of direction

That’s much more useful information than simply thinking someone else is doing better than you.

Instead of asking:

Why don’t I have what they have?

Try asking:

What part of this is actually appealing to me?

You might find that the answer is much smaller and much more achievable than you thought.

Stop treating age like a deadline

A lot of comparison comes down to age.

I thought I’d have done this by now.

Everyone else seems further ahead.

Surely I should have figured this out already.

But age is a terrible way to measure progress.

Two people can be 30 and have completely different priorities, opportunities, responsibilities and starting points.

One person might be building a career.

Another might be starting again.

Another might be saving money.

Another might be moving abroad.

Another might have no idea what they want yet.

None of those things automatically means someone is ahead or behind.

They’re just different lives.

Be careful what you consume first thing in the morning

If the first thing you do every morning is open your phone, there is a good chance you’re starting the day by looking at what everybody else is doing.

Before you’ve even properly woken up.

That probably isn’t helping.

Try doing something of your own first.

It doesn’t need to be productive.

Make coffee.

Shower.

Stretch.

Read a few pages.

Write your to-do list.

Sit outside for ten minutes.

Anything that gives your brain a chance to enter your own life before it starts absorbing everybody else’s.

It sounds tiny, but it makes a difference.

Unfollow people who consistently make you feel rubbish

You do not need a dramatic reason to unfollow someone.

They don’t have to have done anything wrong.

Sometimes a particular account just brings out something in you that you don’t enjoy.

Maybe you always leave feeling behind.

Or like you should be earning more.

Travelling more.

Looking different.

Doing more.

That’s enough information.

Your feed is something you see every day.

You’re allowed to make it a nicer place to spend time.

Keep a record of your own progress

Comparison increases when you forget what has changed in your own life.

Because progress is surprisingly easy to miss when you’re living inside it.

Every now and then, write down a few things that are better than they used to be.

Maybe:

• something that used to stress you out doesn’t anymore
• you’ve got better at saying no
• you’re earning more than you were a year ago
• your routine is better
• you’ve learnt something new
• you’ve handled a difficult situation well
• you’ve finally started something you kept putting off

Not everything has to be a huge milestone.

You’re just looking for evidence that your life is moving.

Because it probably is.

Compare backwards occasionally

If you absolutely have to compare yourself to somebody, try comparing yourself to an older version of you.

Think about where you were one year ago.

Or three.

Or five.

What were you worried about then?

What did you want?

What felt difficult?

What have you learnt since?

There’s a good chance you’ve changed more than you realise.

It’s much easier to appreciate your own progress when you stop measuring it against somebody else’s.

Ask whether you even want the thing you’re comparing

This one is important.

Sometimes you feel behind because other people are doing something you don’t actually want.

You just feel like you’re supposed to want it.

Maybe everyone around you is buying houses.

Getting married.

Climbing the career ladder.

Having children.

Starting businesses.

Moving abroad.

Whatever it is.

Before deciding you’re behind, ask yourself:

Would I genuinely want this if nobody else was doing it?

Because sometimes comparison isn’t showing you what you want.

It’s showing you what you think you should want.

Those are very different things.

Give yourself something to focus on

Comparison tends to get louder when you feel directionless.

If you have no idea what you’re working towards, everybody else’s progress starts looking much more important.

So choose something small to focus on.

Not a five-year life plan.

Just something that matters to you right now.

Save a bit more money.

Get fitter.

Read more.

Improve your sleep.

Build something.

Learn something.

Make your home nicer.

Plan a trip.

When you have your own thing going on, it becomes much easier to stop watching everybody else’s.

Remember that social media is extremely good at making normal life look unsuccessful

Normal life is not particularly impressive online.

Doing your washing.

Making dinner.

Going to work.

Saving money.

Going for a walk.

Reading.

Seeing a friend.

Having a quiet weekend.

None of that looks especially exciting on a feed.

But those are the things most of life is actually made of.

You do not need constant milestones for your life to be going well.

And you definitely don’t need to keep up with a timeline you never chose.

Most people are figuring things out as they go.

Some are just better at making it look organised.

So the next time someone else’s life makes yours feel a bit small, try not to immediately assume they’re doing better.

Take what’s useful from it.

Ignore the rest.

And get back to whatever you were doing before Instagram interrupted you.

Here's to getting 1% better, one day at a time.

H x